Top 20 Things I've Learned from Being Sassy (16-20)
Some came to me easily; others, the super hard way.
As we wind things down at A Sassy Little Substack, here are things I’ve learned from being a super-sensitive, mouthy outsider.
20. Be the Truest You
Yes, I’m the happiness c*ach who listens to punk rock, flips off dumb drivers and will tell a lazy jerk to return their shopping cart to where the carts actually live, not just where you think they’ll be adopted. So, if you think that’s incongruous — or mistakenly believe none of that makes me authentically happy — think again. There is no one way to be. Excluding being an a$$hole. Don’t be that, even/especially if that’s the truest you. Take a look around. We’ve exceeded our quota there. Do better.
Welcome to A Sassy Little Substack, a reader-supported publication about cultivating happiness and eschewing toxic positivity by certified happiness and trauma-informed wellness coach, Sandra Ann Miller, a.k.a. The Happyist. New posts drop each Wednesday until the end of August, when this ‘stack will close its doors. But, a new door has opened…
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19. Don’t Fake Anything
Especially that. But seriously, don’t pretend. Don’t pose. Don’t imposter. Yes, you get to project your future self/higher self/best self, but that’s not faking it. That’s watering the seed so it roots, sprouts and flowers. There’s a diff. Get to know it. Also ⬆️ see above.
18. Let Your Dreams Evolve
Don’t get yourself stuck following a path you set yourself on ages ago, if you/that industry/your desires changed. Evolution is great, baby! And, remember, you are talking to a film school grad who is still paying off her student loans. Yes, I paid an absurd amount of money to go to a fabulous art school. I have zero regrets. And I use that BFA every day. Creative people are problem solvers. We see the big picture, and we will find a way to make it happen. If a BFA or MFA were on Gilligan’s Island, those folks would’ve made it home. What you’ve learned and invested in will always serve you, even if you choose to go in a different direction. Changing your mind is not a sign of weakness; it’s proof of wisdom.
17. A Good (Dark) Sense of Humor Will Save You
Laughter isn’t just the best medicine; it’s a lifeline. If you are low, put on some dog and cat fail videos, and tell me those tears streaming down your face are not from laughter. And dark humor — like chocolate — is the most delicious, and dare I say good for you. Take the sad, hard, awful stuff and find the absurdity, irony or silliness in it. Trust me, it’s there. Like me cracking jokes before my grandfather’s funeral. Sure, I got yelled at by my dysfunctional family, saying that was vastly inappropriate but: 1. we were still at home; 2. they were the jokes that made him laugh; 3. this was the worst day of my life, and laughing was the only way I knew I’d be able to survive it. We all cope in our own ways. Do you. Laugh when you want/need. Even if you’re not “supposed” to. (Insert middle finger emoji here for emphasis and giggles.)
16. Give Up 98% Of Your Vices
It’s been a year since I got that terrible case of food poisoning I wouldn’t stop talking about, when I barfed up whatever part of me caused cravings. No longer do I jones on my way home for what I want for dinner. And that was a regular battle between Taverna or Chulita (and I wanted them both to win). Anyway, it’s been a year since I’ve had any alcohol or, oddly enough, ketchup. And since I’ve never smoked or done drugs, booze was my only true vice. But, I have to say — and say with respect — I am much, much too lazy to have a true dependency. Yes, I had a bar cart, that I would look at and think, Nah. Too much effort to take the four steps to it, let alone the extra steps to the kitchen for ice. So I don’t claim sobriety. This was a choice that was going to happen, I was just choosing a day…down the road. The choice was made for me.
Did I lose a bunch of weight? No. Did my skin take on a new glow? No (but it was already on fleek). The changes were much more subtle than profound. I’m not sure if it’s being zero proof or being happy, or both, but there’s a calm and peace and ease I have that I really dig. I do still enjoy my dealcoholized wine (I swear to gawd, you cannot tell Nooh Sparkling Rosé is not the real deal…until the next morning), my laziness has caught up with making mocktails (too much work) but there are so many fakes to play with, you probably won’t miss the booze (especially the next morning).
Since I’m dairy-free (no brie), grain-free (no bread), and now booze-free, my vices are down to chocolate (the darker, the better) and crap TV (yes, I did watch “The Valley” and I don’t know how to process that). I think vices are good to have, but here’s what I’ve learned: The happier I’ve gotten, the less I want to numb out, the more I want to be fully present, the less I need something to help me relax. It’s kind of cool.
Again, I want to differentiate this choice from those who have gone through the challenge of sobriety. There’s a big diff to that, which I have mad respect for. And if you’re considering quitting drinking for whatever reason, I highly recommend.
More of the Top 20 next week. Please share your favorite lessons in the comments. xo
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Like Donna said, a great list for sure! I don't have too many vices but I definitely don't eat all that healthy because that feels like one more thing I have to put effort into. But cutting way back on alcohol was the best decision ever. I only drink if I go to a winery or on a special occasion now and I feel so much better (plus I'm not flushing the calcium out of my density-less bones). That's one vice that's just not worth it. I can have just as much fun sober and I'll feel better the next day.
This is a great list! I can't wait to see more.