Do What Makes You Happy
Even if it’s sort of dumb.
I don’t travel light. Never have. I like my creature comfort-y things. To have options. And I carry my own luggage, so no need to comment about it, pal! I’m good. Still, it might look like I’m moving in when I arrive. And so what?
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Recently, I took a trip to Cambria to visit a dear friend. I left on Sunday afternoon and would return on Wednesday afternoon (purposely timed to avoid traffic and tourists). So, that’s two full days and two halves to prepare for. It was also June gloomy weather with wind and cold, so sweaters would be needed. There would be lunches as well as dinners, so hats for al fresco dining. Possible long boardwalk walks required sneakers. You see where I’m going here, right? I had stuff to bring. And that took my small suitcase, my weekender and a large shopping bag. And, well, my backpack that was then serving as purse (we’d had a lot of rain, and it’s an adorable dusty pink), which meant going-out handbags were needed, too.
Here’s my point: For this trip, I really wanted to enjoy myself and be as stress-free as possible. So, I made some decisions: I wasn’t going to decant anything into travel-sized containers (I hate cleaning those out); and I wasn’t going to parse out my supplements into little daily packages (I’d just take the basket they reside in). While it might be cute and stylish, and proof of how utterly organized you are by downsizing your crap, to me it’s an ungawdly hassle. And, since I wasn’t sharing the guest bathroom with anyone else, I was going full-sized.
(Now, if I had to share the space, other choices might’ve been made…including lugging stuff in and out of the bathroom and back to my room. I am a thoughtful guest. I don’t like looking at clutter myself, or forcing others to gander at mine.)
The great thing about these choices was that I packed fast. I knew what I would wear, with a few options in case it was chillier than expected. Clothes and shoes (sparkly slides and ballet flats) fit in the suitcase (I do love my packing cubes). Supplements, full-sized stuff and hairdryer fit in the weekender. Sneakers, makeup/toiletries bag, snacks and pillow went into the shopper. I was able to take all that out in one trip (it’s amazing what you can achieve when you’re lazy), and, yes, it all fit into my wee Fiat.
All of those decisions — from packing style to departure times — made me happy. They started off my long drive on a positive note, and made my stay easy. (Unpacking when I got home was an utter effing breeze.)
So, here’s my Q: How often do we let ourselves do what makes us happy? Especially when we have other people to consider. And that’s the rub, no? We put other people’s good feels above our own at times (stressful times, like travelling), believing that when everyone else is happy, we are happy. But, really? Isn’t that sharp-ending ourselves on the joy stick? Instead, if we allow ourselves to think about what would take the pressure off, what would make things easier, what we actually prefer, we can enjoy ourselves more without putting anyone else out. Because, not that long ago, I would’ve decanted all my stuff (and stared at the residue in the containers for weeks after), I would’ve left earlier and sat in traffic to try to make it for a late lunch rather than dinner, and I would’ve feigned embarrassment for overpacking when I lugged my luggage in. None of that would’ve made me happy. All of it would’ve added unwanted and unnecessary stress. What’s TF point of that? Appearances? Pretenses? No thank you very much!
I’m a firm believer in compromise…IF that compromise is truly meeting in the middle, a fair give-and-take. I consider others’ feelings, habits and needs when I make my decisions because that’s just nice (and not in a doormatty kind of way). I want things to be as smooth of a sail as possible for all involved. So, I get not wanting to come off as a selfish brat demanding your way. But, every once in a while, we need to feel comfortable asserting decisions that make us happy. For example, if you and I are getting on a plane together (which likely will not happen until people start acting right on aircraft), I am checking my damn bag — yes, even if we’re flying LAX to SFO. Mainly because of the whole decanting thing (I really do hate it), but also because they keep shrinking the overhead compartment to ridiculousness and those who can get away with that are FedExing other luggage to the hotel. I’m too cheap for that. So, I’ll treat you to a drink or coffee or whatever to make that typically-shorter-than-you-think wait at the luggage carousel more pleasant. Thank you for your patience and indulging me. Because packing everything I think I need makes me effing happy. Showing up somewhere with a leaky TSA-approved tubes and missing my favorite jeans does not.
As we get to know ourselves better, certain things just aren’t worth compromising. We know who we are, we know what works for us. And I’m all for that. We get to be happy, dammit! As long as nobody else’s toes are truly tread upon, who can begrudge us that? (Um, people who think their way is the only way, maybe? Just guessing.)
We get to do what makes us happy in everyday life, too, not just during the big stressors. Those little quirky, just-you things that bring you the warm fuzzies? Never stop indulging in them. The convictions that make you feel in-your-skin? Keep those up! One of the keys to being truly happy is feeding those little joys and keeping them going. That’s the stuff bliss is made out of.
No matter how silly others might see it (like my affinity for “EastEnders”, yelling at the TV on a Sunday morning during a grand prix or squeezing a rowing machine into a teeny tiny place), if it’s something that sparks an inner (or outer) smile, do it. Please. We need to fuel our happiness in both big and small ways, and the small ways can easily be ignored. So do those little, silly, dorky, dumb things that please you. Each one is worth it. xo
End Note: On our first hotel getaway, my Super Ex-Boyfriend (who preferred camping) and I were taking a long weekend in Monterrey. Even though it was early summer, it was going to be rainy and chilly part of the time, and that required options for weather, and then there was our fancy dinner out. He picked me up in his SUV and was shocked when he saw I had three bags. “What is all that?” he asked in a slightly judge-y tone. One bag was just shoes (in the 90s, shoes were BIG), the other held clothes, and the last was toiletries. (This was right after film school and before I upped my luggage game; all were weekender-size…some were gifts-with-purchases.) He, on the other hand, pointed to an effing backpack when he lifted the back hatch, proud of himself for packing so lightly. (As if there’s any moral high ground to be had in that.) That night, though, as we were getting ready for bed, he asked, “Can I borrow some toothpaste?” I looked at him. “Where’s yours?” He cocked an embarrassed grin. “Didn’t bring any. I knew you’d have it.” Same for shampoo, floss, mouthwash, cleanser. To his credit, he did bring his own razor, deodorant and toothbrush.
Some of us come prepared. Others rely on kindness (of those who come prepared). xo
Some Recs
’s took me joyfully by surprise. I suggest starting here:
and here:
’s is delightful, but you will likely need to up your budget for recipe books. She’s dangerous in that regard with the good stuff she recommends.Happy Hacks
Be you. Really. Why be anyone else? All of your quirks and flaws and talents and goodness should be revelled in. And if you’re trying to fit in somewhere and not able to be fully you in order to stay, find the exit. It’s not a place worth being.
Be curious. We don’t know everything. Sometimes, we don’t know anything. Open up your curiosity to learn and grow and discover. Ask questions. Do research. Take a class. That thing you always wanted to learn about? Learn about it! That thing you wanted to try? Try it! Curiosity keeps us young, involved and creates joy. xo
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I loved this reading and I love it when people are prepared, even if it means that I don't wear half of what I wear. I rely on my friends who overpack too! We share! Joy, joy, joy!
Love this, super insightful read. Also, I have to ask: "yelling at the TV on a Sunday morning during a grand prix" - are you the reincarnated version of my grandmother? She used to do the same thing when Formula 1 was on!