Why I'm a Little Sassy

Things never seem to go to plan. Annoying, or opportunities in disguise?

I’m an expert at making God laugh.

I had a pretty good idea how my life was going to go, and all the optimism in the world that it would come to fruition. Now? Even I have to chuckle when I see how far off target I landed. That’s not a complaint, no sigh of disappointment; merely a bemusedly furrowed brow of one who constantly wonders, “WTAF?!” I mean, I worked hard, have been told I’m good at what I do, and toiled tirelessly toward my version of success (not as lofty as you might imagine, by the way). Yet, it eluded me, almost rudely. You could feel the figurative middle finger being thrown.

The things that were more successful than what I’d diligently studied, planned for and plotted out were accidents…complete flukes! And I cannot begin to describe how annoying that is. So much so that I would arrogantly turn my back on them. “I didn’t want you; I wanted that!” Because I was foolish enough to believe that if you remained determined (stubborn, malignantly hopeful), what you actually wanted would come to you. After all, that’s how you manifest things, right?! (LOL. Who’s laughing now?)

Unhappiness is one muther of an epiphany.

It’s interesting how we can rationalize our displeasure. I mean, who hasn’t been unhappy since 2016? There’s plenty out there to keep us pissed. And while I agree with John Lydon on anger being an energy, it’s also spectacularly draining. (I can’t be the only one here with dark circles.) The logical way to process this sort of malaise is to wait… Things will get better! We’ll be back to normal soon! And, yet, here we are in 2023. This is not my normal.

Typically, I’m a pretty cheerful person, but my mood had gone über dark. I was unhappy with ev-er-y-thing — the state of the world, the size of my kitchen, the lack in my paycheck. I’m sure I’m not alone in that boat, but the boat was sinking, and I had no intention of going down with it. As 2022 was coming to a close, I realized I couldn’t take the misery any longer. Something had to give. And that something was me.

I had to get back to my Sassy roots.

When you don’t take your own advice…

My first book, A Sassy Little Guide to Getting Over Him — 10 Steps to Heal Your Heart After an Unhappy Ending (2006, SAME ink), was a wonderful accident that came about when a friend suffered a sneak-attack breakup (you know, when a simple conversation like, “Honey, if you’re going to be late, I’d appreciate it if you’d call,” turns into, “This just isn’t working out.”). I was in the middle of writing my first novel when I got the call and, as I watched her go through the rawness of just being dumped, I noticed I had done the same things, reacted the same way, none of which helped. The guide came to me like a bolt. The mistakes we make, the steps to take to correct them. Her breakup happened near the end of June; by mid-October, it was released. (I’m impatient, so I started my own imprint.)

But, Sassy was a fluke. I slowly turned my back on her (even though there were regular nudges to refocus, including a Young Adult edition in 2017). I went down other roads, sped through avenues, almost doing everything I could to ignore that little pink book (despite the fact that I actually loved it and was deeply proud of it). Then, right after Christmas — while bingeing episodes of “Vera” on BritBox — I realized what the problem was: My mindset. I was wallowing, and I knew better than to do that. Yes, the world’s all shades of f—ked up and my kitchen is way too small, but so what! (IYKYK!) I actually knew how to get over stuff. I wrote an effing book on it.

While I was busy being bitchy, what I was missing was being Sassy. And that was a big part of myself to let go AWOL. What I had learned from writing that book was the importance of putting things into perspective, and deciding to be happy even if things — including the world, my kitchen, my paycheck — didn’t turn out the way I wanted or expected. That’s the other thing: Sometimes what we think we want (or believe we should have) isn’t the rightest thing for us. Sometimes, if you just sit and listen to the Inner Yoda we all have, it will tell you what’s worth chasing, and what’s best to let go.

What else is new?

Once I started getting over myself (and getting back to being me), I noticed how many people were talking about what they were struggling to get over (a divorce, a toxic ex, a bad job). These past years have been hard on everyone. We’re dealing with so much and are so effing stressed! I don’t think we’ve begun to wrap our heads around it fully (if we did, they might explode).

During the pandemic lockdown, I stared a podcast where we had conversations about stuff we needed to get over. Unfortunately, a year later, I had to get myself a full-time job and put the podcast on hold (I swear, it will come back soon, really). While I don’t have time to do the podcast just yet (they are work, let me tell you), I did have time to write and realized that Substack had a pretty interactive community. So, hello! We can have some of those conversations here.

I’ve also started Sassy Little Seminars to talk with people about what they’re trying to get over and carry on those kinds of conversations in that forum, too. The first seminar (on March 1st and, woo, it was fun) was on Getting Over Heartbreak. The next one (mid-April, still working on the date) will be about getting over all manner of disappointment and frustration. The chance to talk about what we’re dealing with, share our experiences with others and laugh about it is pretty sweet. If you’re interested in learning more, please subscribe and you’ll be first to know what’s next (don’t hesitate; there’s a free option).

Making friends, building community.

Substack gives a prompt for your first post, asking what kind of a community you’re looking to build here. I suppose it’s this: If you’re looking to find and foster your brand of happy, you might like it here. If your life isn’t exactly Instagrammable but you like it just fine, you might like it here. If you’re tired of living your life for Instagram, you’ll definitely like it here. If you’re not exactly nailing it on a daily basis, you’ll probably like it here, too. I’m beyond flawed and fallible, and figuring things out as I go. I’m not some know-it-all, just one who’s been around a few blocks and picked up some insight along the way. Still learning. Still growing. Still not sure WTF I’m doing. So, if you’re in a similar place, welcome!

In this space (or ‘stack), I’m focused on the realness of life and finding ways to feel pretty damned good in it, despite how hard things can be. And that being a little sassy can lead to a whole lot of happy.

Warning: What you won’t find here is any toxic positivity (vom) or rose-colored glasses. Glossing over things doesn’t make them better, just stickier. Facing what’s standing in our way of being happy is the key. (There’s only so much you can sweep under the rug before you trip over it and have to deal with it again, but in a much more painful manner.) Shifting our perspective on what being happy is, and what it means to us, opens the door to truly having it.

Pencil me in?

I’ll be posting every other week to start, then weekly on Wednesdays (I’ve got to rebuild this writing muscle, but this will be weekly by June if not before). Free subscribers will get the full posts. Paid subscribers will also get the archive and my sincere gratitude for supporting this work (you’ll also get special announcements first). But I don’t want anyone to feel left out, so let me know if you aren’t a paid subscriber and need access to the archive. We’ll work something out. ;)

Anyway, that’s it. The first Sassy Little Substack. I’m really happy you’re here and super excited to connect!

---