Sometimes, there’s nothing harder than being in the present moment. Seriously. Try it. Where did your mind wander? To your to-do list of things that need doing before the weekend? Something that pissed you off yesterday? The news cycle/state of the world? Just wanting to read this silly post without having to do side-work because you have a dozen more to get through? It only takes a few seconds before we start to move away from the moment. As if the past or future holds more value. But right now is gold.
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Right now is really all that exists. But we never see it as that, do we? Because tomorrow will come. We know it. And we keep preparing for that future instead of investing in present.
And that makes sense. We have a job to pay the bills for things that happened last month, to keep us housed for this month, to save for “one day”. We make plans with our friends for tomorrow or next week. We look ahead to where we will spend the holidays and with whom. We start preparing for our “summer body” in January. We have to forecast our expenses, what taxes might be next year, how that 401K is doing (don’t look…seriously). Add a partner or kids into the mix, and you’ve multiplied what you have to be psychic about.
The past? Well, it likes to haunt us. Affronts that happened days/weeks/years ago will flash before us, sending us into a spiral. Hurts that have lingered a lifetime are almost constant companions. Mistakes we’ve made will pop into our heads just to remind us we aren’t perfect. Not even close.
Our focus is scattered to everything but right now. So, let me ask you: How does that feel? When you look forward or back, are you bringing in joy? I think it’s safe to say, for the most part, the answer is nope. Sure, if you are heading off to a vacay or just got back from one, that will bring delight. I’m still grinning over Palm Springs and love the thought of my next visit there (in July, like a crazy person). But, typically, what we focus on — looking forward or back — brings us stress, sadness, frustration or irritation. Raise your hand if that rings true for you.
It’s a not-so-great habit to be in. But, being present — even while visiting the past or contemplating the future — will help you see that, and adjust accordingly. If you catch yourself outside of right now, you can examine how you feel, ask yourself if that was worth it, and come back to the present.
Now, asking yourself if that stroll down memory or someday lane was worth it isn’t an opportunity to beat yourself up. No. It’s the chance to be curious. Why did I decide to think about that? What do I think is important about that? What are the emotions it brings up? Is it productive or hindering? Do I feel better or not-so-much for having spent time there?
Typically, we feel anxiety about the future and sadness/disappointment/frustration about the past. We aren’t going there to feel good. And isn’t that weird? It’s also very human. We can find ourselves comfortable with those unpleasant emotions. Our nervous system will seek them out because they are familiar. But, we can change that.
Getting curious about what we do, think and feel is really fun and enlightening. We get to learn more about ourselves, our habits and we become more present. When we catch ourselves not being in the moment, we can look at why. What was actually attractive about going to a different place, even if it doesn’t feel good? Sometimes, we are looking for a sense of control. Really. When we go to the past, we are trying to figure it out, solve the puzzle, maybe make it turn out differently. When we go to the future, we are hoping to hold the reins and steer it where we want to go. Or we start to fret about it.
Worrying used to give me a weird sense of control. I thought (believed, really) that worrying would ward off the bad thing I was hoping wouldn’t happen. Chances are, that bad thing never would have happened anyway, and all worrying did was take me out of the moment and drench me in stress. Totally not necessary and pretty silly.
But, when we catch ourselves looking ahead or back, bring yourself to the right now. Ask yourself, “Am I safe right now?” and answer that — usually, the answer will be YES because, if you have the time to look forward or back, there’s not a tiger nipping at your tush. Then, say to yourself, “I am safe here and now. Right now is good and it’s where I need to be.” Not exactly poetic, but it serves the purpose of centering yourself and returning the focus to now. It’s also slowly retraining your nervous system to be comfortable in the calm, not needing to seek out other more familiar, less positive emotions.
When you are present, focusing only on the now, you will feel more peaceful and grounded. You will feel happier and less stressed. Take a moment to breathe deep and focus on your breath. Do a body scan. Feel your surroundings — your chair and desk, your shoes and floor, what your clothes feel like on your skin. Notice what the air smells like. What does the room/space sound like? Look out a window or, if you’re smart and already outside, look at the sky, the horizon, how the wind is dancing with the trees. This is where you’re at. You are safe here. Here feels good. And if none of that is true, if where you’re at is not safe, please reach out to someone for assistance. Libraries and hospitals are places that can help you find that if you don’t know where to start.
Lastly, each day, kiss a little bit of the past goodbye. It doesn’t need to linger with us. It’s not that valuable. We give it way too much power and say in how we live. But it doesn’t exist. You know what does? Right now.
How do you let go of the past? You can write it a letter, thanking it for what it taught you, forgiving it for the harm it did to you, and letting it know it served its purpose and is free to leave. If you can, burn it safely. If not, put it through the shredder. Either way, send it off with light, love and appreciation. After all, it helped you to be wiser.
You can do the same in meditation. Picture the part of the past you want to let go of. Thank it for what it taught you, forgive it for the harm it did, let it know it served its purpose and you are showing it the door. Visually, send it to the light, letting it go back to the Universe, or envision it sinking into the earth. Send it off with love and appreciation. After all, it helped you to be kinder.
And, if all of that is too woo for you, when you find the past popping up in your head, tell it it’s not needed anymore. You get it. Got the lesson. Much appreciated. Now, f’off already. Whatever works for you. Just start to shed that weight of crap we no longer need to be bothered with. Because we don’t.
Right now is where it’s at. It’s everything. It’s powerful enough to pull us back to our center, calm us down and let us know we are okay. And, it’s all we have. What could be more precious than that? So, pay attention to it. Dig your heels into it. Because, before you know it, it will be tomorrow again. xo
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This is so smart and incisive, lady! So grateful for your thoughts and ideas. xo
So, so good! This is the reminder we all need. Thank you Sandra Ann.
I appreciate the actionable steps you share here because sometimes when we think about releasing the past it just seems overwhelming.